Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think people are normalizing furries
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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