Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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