What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
