So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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