Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
