Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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