So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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