So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize