i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
