My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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