I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
