4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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