You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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