if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize