having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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