alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
