My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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