He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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