You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
