The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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