i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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