Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, beer. Big fan.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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