I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
