Soap is not a condiment
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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