dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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