I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
