i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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