I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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