Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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