I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
