if i can run in heels then i can drive
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
