In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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