I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
