Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
