i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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