if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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