Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my poor anus
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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