So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So apparently I’m into choking now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
