Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
