no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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