I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
