You can't motorboat a personality
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
