I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
