Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
