Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize