your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
