What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
