opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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