So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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