RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize