wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
