You just made me feel so damn special
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
