So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
