dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
