he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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