im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
im on a boat
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