is your mom at the bar?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
