I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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