i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
