Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
