Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize