It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize