Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
