2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
