Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
