Can i not drive my cunt home
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
