I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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