you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Randomize
