She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
