I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
