just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
