Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
