He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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