I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
