so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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